I had a conversation with a friend the other day. She said how she wanted to be at two places at the same time. I said, “Let’s cut you in half so you can do both things.” I realized that meant she would be half-ass participating in two things. Half-assed is no way to do things. I took back what I said because I wanted her whole ass!
How many times in my life have I done things half-assed? The list is bigger than my ass. Let’s go back to high school. I was in the school play, but never got a good part because I always had to miss rehearsals to go to dance. I always got in trouble at dance because I was always missing class to be at play practice. I was a cheerleader, but always had to leave practice early to go to dance. I was in the Art Club, Photography Club, Drama Club, student council and even a short stink in Math League, but always missed meetings because I had to go to dance class, play practice or cheerleading. I prided myself in the fact that I did so many things and was so well rounded. The thing was, I was good at everything, but never gave myself the chance to get really great at anything…and I was exhausted all the time. It’s tiring to have one foot in and one foot out all the time.
I used this to play half-assed in the world. I never tried to be great at anything and when I had mediocre results it made sense. I was protecting myself from failure. If I was to fail it was obviously because I was doing sooooo many things. It wasn’t because I wasn’t great. It was because I missed a rehearsal or a practice or I was sick because I was over tired or whatever other excuse I came up with.
I continued to live this way after in college by having a million jobs all of which I showed up to half-assed. I danced for a couple of dance companies and was always missing rehearsals to be at other rehearsals or to be at one of my jobs. I taught dance, I was a waitress, I did promotional work for beer, liquor and chocolate companies, I was a data entry person at my dad’s office and other jobs I’m probably forgetting. My ass was all over the place, but everyone in my life got half of it. I didn’t pour my heart and soul into anything because I was doing so many things. Again I was protecting myself because if I was to fail at anything it wasn’t because I wasn’t great. It was because I was too busy.
Can anyone relate? I was digging a million small holes all over the place and never got anywhere. I always felt lost and stuck and like I was going nowhere. The Universe has a funny way of letting you know it has your back. I was cheerleading for the NJ Nets while teaching dance, personal training, choreographing and doing all the costume design for middle and high school plays while coaching a high school competitive dance team. At a sold out Nets game I was performing and doing crazy amounts of flips across the court when I landed and everyone cheered. I pivoted to run off the court when I felt a snap in my knee. I fell down. I often felt snaps like that so I tried to stand up when I realized to my horror, nothing was holding my knee together and I fell down again. I look up and I’m on the jumbo-tron crawling off the court to avoid becoming cheerleader road kill while the crowd let out a big, “Ooohhhhh!” Finally someone came to scoop me up and take me off the court.
I was brought into the trainer’s room and the Net’s doctor took one look at my knee and said, “You tore your ACL (a major ligament in your knee that takes at least 9 months to heal). I was devastated. I burst into hysterics and I remember Nets basketball players all running out of the room to leave me alone. I thought my life was over. I didn’t know what I was going to. I didn’t know this at the time and I probably wouldn’t have believed you if you told me.
Why was it such a blessing? After that injury I did a lot of soul searching and one day a friend told me about this amazing school called The Institute for Integrative Nutrition. I’m not going to go into much detail, but while at school I realized in order to be great at what I was doing I had to put my energy into digging one big giant beautiful sparkly hole. I realized I was meant to shine (because we all are) and in order to do that I had to focus my energy. I put two feet in instead of one foot in and one foot out like I had in my past. I went ALL IN! And here I am today waving to you from my huge ass whole of awesomeness!
Are you doing things half-assed? Are you hiding behind all of the things you are good at because you are afraid of being great?
I would love to support you around this since I have been there, done that and now my whole entire ass is here for you 100%.
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