I wrote about this topic when Phish was playing in Las Vegas for Halloween and I had chose not to go. I had a case of FOMO (fear of missing out) that I shifted into JOMO (joy of missing out). I’m feeling that nasty FOMO sneak up on me again as the Grateful Dead with Trey Anastasio from Phish are doing their Fare Thee Well shows in the windy city. I consciously and intentionally decided to go to the Finger Lakes to hang out with my husband’s amazing family for our annual forth of July celebrations. I feel really good about my decision, but after turning on my phone and seeing status after status of so many of my friends starting their journey to Chicago I started to feel a little bit of FOMO.
There are three ways to react to a situation as serious as this one:
- I could put down my phone and celebrate my decision.
- I may feel regret and question my choice.
- I might start sweating from anxiety and grief because my life is boring and I’m potentially missing out on the most amazing experiences of my life. I could be so distraught that I decide not to go to the Finger Lakes and cry myself to sleep.
What would you do? If you answered number 1, your mental health is in impeccable shape. You are free from the insecurities that most humans with an ego have. You’ve done the soul-work and you can stop reading this blog right now because you’re all good!
If you answered numbers 2 or 3 you are suffering from this syndrome and it’s serious. It’s called Fear of Missing Out Syndrome (aka FOMO.)
The good news is there is a cure for FOMO. Phew!
The first step is acceptance. There is only one of you and if you tried to cut yourself in half you would not survive the surgery. You can’t always be doing the most exciting thing at every single moment of every single day. You wouldn’t want to anyway. It’s exhausting to be the most interesting person in the world all the time.
The second step is knowing that when it comes to suffering from FOMO, you can’t win. Chances are the person you are jealous of who is sharing all the exciting things they are doing are also suffering from at least a little bit of FOMO themselves. If you are working that hard to show everyone how awesome your life is, it’s possible that your need to do that might be fueled by your own FOMO.
The third step is to admit that your FOMO is not your phone or computer’s fault. It existed years ago when we didn’t get invited to the popular girl’s birthday party and even before that when we weren’t picked to be a gladiator in ancient Rome.
The forth step is to acknowledge that it’s ok to experience a little bit of FOMO. A little bit of FOMO never hurt anyone. It’s important to get it under control so it doesn’t ruin your own good time. It’s not going to be easy. I’m suffering from it a little bit myself right now. As I see all of the pictures of the raging good times so many of you are having without me I will probably feel a little left out and that’s ok.
Instead of focusing on what I’m not doing and what I’m missing out on, I’m going to shift it. I’m going to tell my FOMO what’s up.
“FOMO, I hear ya sister. This weekend is going to be amazing because I’m here and I’m awesome! I’m going to rage it with my family at the Finger Lakes and have the best time ever. Thank you for trying to protect me from feeling left out, but I don’t need that protection anymore. I’ve got this.”
When you acknowledge your thoughts and feelings for what they are, remember how awesome YOUR life is and then finally let that un-serving thought know you no longer need it, you’ve unlocked a powerful tool that can kick any form of FOMO in the ass.
And then you might even feel some JOMO (joy of missing out)!
Are you suffering from FOMO right now? How are you going to tell FOMO what’s up? Please share what you said to your FOMO and what you are up to if you’re not going to Chicago this weekend in the comments section below.
The awesome in me sees and bows to the awesome in you,
Hi Taraleigh,
Once again, you’ve managed to capture and express what I’m feeling! Even sitting here on Thursday morning in Connecticut, I still harbor hope that I magically jump in my car and drive 14 hours to Chicago withought a ticket, just to be part of the party. I fear that if I was my 22 year old, 1984 self, that I’d already be on my way. Now, the aging rocker that I am, has the very 2015…FOMO.
Watching the Santa Clara streams certainly didn’t help, and my expecations for the boys performaces were exceeded. I looked longlingly at the staggering ticket prices on StubHub. Again, I returned myself to reality.
So here’s my strategy. I’ll be doing the couch tour with my two sons. My oldest, now 19, has been my concert partner since he’s been old enough. Though he was born 3 months after Jerry passed, he’s a veteran of at least 15-20 post-Dead band iteration shows. My 14 year-old, who has eye-rolled his way through my music obsessions his whole life will be joining us.
I’m embracing the countdown to Vibes. Now just a few short weeks until my son and I make the short trip to Seaside Park. We’re also hoping to add the Catskill Chill to our festival list this year.
I’m sure I’ll live vicariously through all the Facebook posts from friends and acquaintances from Chicago, but we can’t be everywhere and do everything. I was fortunate enough to have Jerry and the boys in my life from my first show at the Nassau Colliseum on Halloween 1979 until the very end, and beyond. More memories than I can count.
If nothing else, I’ll be spending this weekend reliving those memories.
Jeff
Hi Taraleigh,
I’m not suffering from FOMO over these shows I was until I saw the SC shows. After listening to the SC shows I was not really moved or blown away by anything, I hate to say it but I don’t think the shows will live up to the hype. I will be couch touring with friends just the same because I love the music and the people but I’m not missing out. What I am going to miss is all off the other amazing shows happening in Chicago from now until the end of the weekend. It seems like everyone is in Chicago this weekend in terms of music. When I do have moments of FOMO, I remember 1. I don’t have the money to travel to Chicago and take care of other needs. 2. I’m going to five Phish shows on the summer tour and Lockn’ so I can see Phil and Bobby there, plus I just went to see the Rolling Stones last night and it was hands down one of the best shows I have ever seen, although after the show I did have a brief FOMO moment when I was offered a Friday and a Sunday ticket for GD50 but remembering point 1 passed on them. 3. I need to be where I am and stay present with whatever I’m doing and obsessing about things doesn’t change my present circumstances. I can think about Chicago all weekend long but it won’t change the fact that I’m not there. I’ll go see some fireworks this weekend and some local music with friends and get ready for Phish tour!!!!!
Oh Taraleigh, how often do you share what’s on my heart. After missing Santa Clara last weekend and no chance of ever making it to Chicago, I’m definitely feeling FOMO! My hubby is an odd bird who doesn’t like the Dead or Bob Marley (and I still married him because he has other qualities that overshadow his remarkable musical disability) so I didn’t feel I could attend nor spend the money on the Youtube feeds of the concerts because how much fun is watching a concert alone in your living room? Sigh. So thank you for pointing out that I’m going to have an amazing time at my brother’s house in the California mountains for 4th of July, escaping the heat, hanging out in nature and spending time with my family. We will be taking a ton of pictures and forging memories. So yes, I may be “missing out” on a concert, but I’m not missing out on fun and good times!
Hi Taraleigh…what a great topic. I was in Santa Clara last weekend! It was such a great time. While I would love to be in Chicago I am not willing to give up the resources to do so. I think going to SC gave a good balance. While I would be lying to say I don’t have a slight pull of “uh” I am excited to be spending the weekend with my dog. My BF gets off a 4 week tour and will be home Sat morning. I will sit by the pool and watch the shows with some of my best friends and all this while saving thousands of dollars and loads of time. I really do not believe I will miss out on anything. It comes from inside me and I’m excited to share it with the people in my life this weekend…shine on!!!! <3
Nobody has to miss out! All 3 nites are live at Palace 9 Cinema…with a beer garden! 8pm till 2am! Get down and brighten up your day!
I was definitely feeling the FOMO after last night. They sounded way better than last weekend which is what I was hoping for. to help get past the FOMO some friends are hosting a party at The Flowjo and it has been awesome with a big screen, music on a pa system etc. Looking forward to the next two nights.
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